That time Uma Thurman asked me to crawl up under her skirt in a restroom stall at the Golden Globes, so of course I did

Uma T. and me

Surprising things happen in a ballroom full of celebrities. This is definitely one of the most surprising that ever happened to me.

For a good stretch of years I was an Executive Editor at InStyle Magazine, a big fashion/lifestyle title in the U.S (RIP). The publication threw a Golden Globes afterparty which, apart from the awards ceremony itself, was the night’s hot ticket event and was wall-to-wall with stars from movies, TV and music. Literally everywhere you turned was a famous face.

So it wasn’t odd at all to find myself walking toward Uma Thurman in the hallway outside the main room. She wore a beaded halter-style top and floor-length skirt with a dramatic train, designed by Atelier Versace. She had a look of consternation on her face. I smiled and, since all of us InStyle staffers in attendance were ostensibly hosting the party, I asked her if she was all right. She put on an exaggerated pout and told me the line to the women’s rest room was too long and she really needed to take care of her business.

I’d just come from the far-less-crowded men’s room (where I’d stood at a urinal with Seal on my right and Orlando Bloom on my left—I told ya: the whole night is a totally surreal experience). I offered to sneak her in. She lit up, took my arm and off we went. Once inside, I guided her to the last and biggest stall. She thanked me and closed the door. From inside, she said, “Don’t go anywhere, okay?” So I didn’t.

Uma called out, “What’s your name?” I told her. We talked while she peed. I can’t remember about what. Uma Thurman was chatting me up while she took a whiz—can you blame me for blanking?

After a couple minutes, Uma said, “Erik, I’m gonna need you to come in here.” A few guys who’d come in after me and Uma gave me raised eyebrows as the stall door swung open. I walked in to find her with her voluminous skirt bunched up in her hands. It looked like yards and yards of black fabric.

The Atelier Versace ensemble

The outfit was gorgeous, but she was having issues putting it all back together. The top worked like a leotard or bodysuit, and it snapped at the crotch. And the snaps were verrrry hard to maneuver when the wearer had to also negotiate several miles of train material.

So Uma asked me, her brand-new friend, to help her snap them. And reader, I did. Both of us laughing, I got down on my knees in my tux, climbed halfway under her skirt and found a way to get those suckers snapped. Maybe the fact that we were both a little tipsy made it more difficult that it might have otherwise been. That fact definitely made it more amusing and we were both cracking up by the time we were done. (And I should make clear: There were other undergarments—this was not as pervy as it might initially sound.)

Uma and me and Burt’s Bees

Once snapped and with everything back in place, Uma met me outside at the sinks and there before the mirrors we chatted as she primped. She asked to borrow my lip balm—just a lowly Burt’s Bees peppermint—and swiped it over her famous lips then handed it back. It’s now for sale on Ebay (JK).

Back outside the men’s room, we paused for one of the event photographers and captured the moment you see at the top of this post. We said so long, and off she went into the night, her with her snaps firmly fastened and lips moisturized, and me with a story to recount in my first-ever blog post.